August 12, 2010
Do you think your boyfriend should help you if you are in financial difficulty?
By Planet Wealth
I have been with my partner for 3 years and 6 weeks ago lost my job as a result of the economic crisis (the company couldnt afford to keep me). I have been unable to pay all of my bills recently as I have been unemployed for the past 6 weeks and am desperately trying to find work..and have a some interveiws coming up which I’m really hoping and praying will go well.
I have been managing with my finances up until now but have since fallen behind in my rent..about 2 weeks, which is something I am nervous about since I do not want an eviction notice and a terrible record and have nowhere else to go to. I do not have the privledge of sharing with anyone. My partner mentioned to me a week ago that he can help me and I told him I will try to manage on my own, feeling guilty that I should even have to question for help, and do not want his family getting involved, should he help me becuase they will find out and this will cause tension for us. They will criticise me for not being able to manage my finances and being unable to save, when in fact I’ve been workin intermittently so therefore unable to save a fantastic deal given having had to pay rent, bills etc Although we aren’t living together, he comes over and uses everything too and I’ve never questioned him to pay for anything since I often stayed with him and his parents after we met since he couldnt come and see me due to his work and they refused to accept payment of rent from me. So therefore part of me feels terrible for asking.
I have since questioned him to help me, but he is analysing whether he should since he feels I will only get into more strife again if I don’t find a job and is reluctant to help me. I havent questioned for his help with anything like this before.
I am upset that he has to even reckon twice about helping me, and upset that he only ever thinks about how he wont be saving if he helps me. So what should I do? Do you reckon his arguement is justified and do you reckon that he should help me given we are just boyfriend girlfriend? We aren’t married yet, but it gets me to thinking about what would happen if we were, given his attitude towards the situation.
He hasn’t went out of home yet, whilst I have and he does not pay rent to his parents yet is giving me grief about how I am wasting my money by renting, when I don’t have the option of living with my parents rent free as he does since I’m a single parent.
Honest and polite answers would be appreciated. PLEASE no sarcastic comments or timewasters.
Topics: renting shares | 11 Comments »
11 Responses to “Do you think your boyfriend should help you if you are in financial difficulty?”
Comments
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August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
You are carrying way (way, way) too much guilt and dissatisfaction with self. You were laid off! You weren’t fired, you didn’t quit – you are just one more person to fall victim to the economy. You work to support yourself & a child and do the best you can. It sounds as if you were doing a wonderful job until your unfortunate layoff. You are NOT irresponsible or unable to take care of yourself and child and it is perfectly fine to accept help that is offered to you. Don’t let pride make you suffer more than you have to.
I rent too….we all have to face the fact that we really are wasting money but it has it’s benefits too. No maintenance!! This alone can save a TON of money. And if you aren’t 100% pleased with your living conditions you can go when the lease is up! Buy a house in a terrible area and you’re stuck….
Towards the end you kind of confused me. Do you want to marry this guy? If so, and renting is so terrible and he wants to help you, now would be the PERFECT time for him to go out of Mommy & Daddy’s and buy a home with all that money he’s been saving because he’s so responsible.
Bottom line: If someone wants to extend a hand and help you in your time of need – take it. Be grateful and pay it forward when you can. No sense in beating yourself up over this, we all need help sometimes. Excellent Luck & Best Wishes!
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
no it’s not up to him to help you should get benefit’s or something
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
umm you have been together for 3 years and he will not help you out when your out of work. That isn’t very nice. I wouldn’t reckon twice about helping out the one i like. You might want to rethink this relationship it seems a small off to me.
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
times are tough people have to reach out more get everything in writing when loaning or borrowing money sorry this sounds harsh but it solves lots of repayment questions . 3 years is some time together I would help if it was my girlfriend
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I reckon it’s a terrible thought, but I am obviously not sure of how strong your relationship is. If you are sure you will be together for a long time, then yes, do let him help you, as he only wants to help because he likes you. It could cause problems if your split up. I reckon you should make your own choice, and not choose based on what people tell you on here. Hope you get out of that horrible situation soon.
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
While i reckon you’re justified in asking for his help seeing as you’ve been together for a excellent length of time, but i would first bring up asking your family first. Even if you can’t stay with a member of your family, you might be able to get a loan till your back on your feet and with no negative impact on your romantic relationship. Tho i don’t know if i could take a guy seriously if it’s been 3 years and he won’t even help you keep your house… just saying sweetheart…best of luck and take care ~Prophet~
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
hi,
really the main thing which is lying within it is the money problem between you guys.you are in a distress to question for help.
but don’t take it in a stupid manner. all over the world economic crisis is hitting up to the hell. so if you are thinking about yourself ,then why cant it hit him too. may be he is ready to help but not in the situation to help you because of the same factor as you are in now. don’t take it in a incorrect manner.
if you are having any terrible opinion please speak to him.. open your heart to him.
here you are also telling that the situation after your marriage . are you sure that he will be in the same manner after the marriage too.
will you also allow him to be in the same manner.huh?
so be optimistic. take everything in a positive manner.
there will be a solution for your queries . talk to him open hearted and not open minded.
i will pray to god for your job too..
"may god bless you in disguise."
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
i reckon it would be nice if your boyfriend would help you out at this time…butttt don’t assume that he would or should….unless u know exactly what his financial situations are like you can’t make that judgement that he should help you out…don’t be upset over it….some people just feel certain ways then others….now if you don’t like that then mb should re-evalutate your relationship with this person
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Honest and polite answer yeah right you already know the answer that guy should be ashamed of himself. He is not a man he is a boy a man takes care of his responsibilities I HATE my job I am depressed but my girl depends on me to provide because I am the MAN in a realationship you take car of each other. Your sex life must be incredible because that bastard would be out the door. You are taking care of a child so send him back to his mother because this adoption is not workin out. I don’t even know you and I Wish could help so what does that tell you. Sometime you just have to do stuff by yourself.
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
If he wanted to help keep the place that the two of you could be together alone then he should reckon about helping and if not then you need to find another place without him.
August 12th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
wow sweetheart this is really really stressful…and 2 nice answers for you….no you can’t question him to help you…you’re just boyfriend and girlfriend no matter how long…it’s on you. (and asking him gets his parents involved in your life) I would talk with the landlord and let them know your situation so you don’t receive a notice and have that stress. Now, my next answer you may not like but i feel is necessary…your bf of 3 years who still lives at home and caps on you for paying rent wow….you know even though he comes to visit i wouldn’t even have a bottled water for him…you’re trying to make it on your own and i reckon he’s there for his own personal interest and can’t know your stress ….because he has never paid rent or lived without his parents…so i reckon you need to pour your heart and soul into finding a job and not give him so much face time…you’re busy looking for work and i would bet money that if you weren’t so accommodating to he’d head down the road and that would be a excellent thing…because you’re better than dirt and not a door mat for him…..now have you tried craig’s list…for employment…right now any job is better than nothing…excellent luck!